Thursday, April 19, 2012

A mother's thoughts...

In our first post I told everyone that we would occasionally have family member's thoughts on all this.... mainly mine. I love to write! I think it is a great way to let out all your stresses. So this whole blog thing, is perfect for me.

I have to apologize to friends and family... and even our pediatrician, for times that you may have called.... and I have broken down. I have good days and bad days... and I am not even the one that has this condition! I love that little girl so much!!! She means the world to me, just as my other two .. Abigail & Mason do as well. It kills me, that she will have to deal with this the rest of her life. And that there is no cure for it. I have gone through shock, denial, anger, depression... and I am hoping I am coming around to my strong point for her. I know I am being strong for her, because of all the research, talking to doctors for her, and being on top of all this to get her the best care...But I don't feel strong. I feel like I hit a low all the time. I'm tired of crying. I'm tired of seeing her do something, and I get upset because I know its part of this illness, and there is nothing I can do for her. I feel horrible inside at all the times I have gotten on to her about not being able to find things, or forgetting where she put something, or forgetting what she is suppose to be doing.... all along its this chiari thing, we never knew about.
Everyone that knows me, knows that when I have an idea, or decide to do something... I go full throttle. I am a proactive type of person. I think I am doing that for her... but why do I feel like I am not?? I want to "feel" that I am, and not be sad anymore. A new chiari friend told me, give it time.... one day you will wake up... and you will realize it is just part of your life, and that it will be part of your everyday regular routine.... and you will not think twice of it being any different.
So in time.... right?


4 comments:

  1. Amber you are an amazingly strong person. Like you said, you get news like that and you set out and make things happen. Your children are very lucky to have such an amazing mother.

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  2. I agree with Kris. Your strength is beyond words, and I have no doubts whatsoever that you can handle anything that life brings you. You are such a great mom and I know that Kaylie feels your strength and love through all of this.

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  3. I know it is much easier said than done - but remember that you are a blessed child of God and nothing will happen that together you & God cannot handle.
    I am praying for you and your precious Kaylie.

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  4. Jenny Brewer CookApril 24, 2012 at 8:55 PM

    So much Love to you, Amber <3

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